Game of... Wine? (spoiler alert)

I, like millions out there in the world, love Game of Thrones. Unlike millions out there, I do not drink (for no particular reason, before you ask!) so this blog will be like the blind leading the blind drunk!

Game of Thrones (GoT) has a huge fan following and there is so much to enjoy including:

• The socio-political feuds between families who may or may not be related to one another
• The acting, music, setting of the fantastical world of Westeros
• The witty, sassy and intensely clever dialogue that leaves everybody on the edge of their seat. 
• The inventive, albeit totally unnecessary sheer violence that viewers are subjected to and we almost crave.

Crave is an operative word. It is a show that wants an audience hooked, hungry for more. It is far too easy to become susceptible to the grip and binge on seasons at a time without any concept of time. I'm pretty sure I watched all of the second season within the space of 4hrs... Not sure how that is possible as each episode is about an hour but it happened.

I suppose in some sense I get hooked, enter the 'meta' of the GoT universe and lose control of my normal inhibitions. Sounds a little like an addiction of sorts right?
I happened to come across this video a little while ago and it really does hit home how prevalent wine is in the show.

A tally is created each time someone takes a tipple and the score is marked against their respective family crest. It really isn't much of a spoiler to see the Lannister family topping the charts.

It seems that in the first 4 seasons alone there are around 176 instances of wine/another alcoholic drink being consumed. That works out to be 44 instances per season, or 4.4 instances per episode. This may not sound like a lot from the show that has shown rape, beheadings, shadow spectral/astral projection births, incest, massacres and many burnings... but in actual fact it kind of is a lot.

An audience witnesses somebody drinking just over once every 15mins. As an audience we are saturated with wine. Now one logical reason for the dependance on alcohol may well be that the water supply may not be considered safe and the processing of alcohol makes the drink safe for consumption. To me the most obvious link is Victorian London, where Cholera was just as common as murder in Game of Thrones.

One huge flaw in this line of thought is that beer exists in the GoT world. Generally speaking, beer has anywhere between 3-6% alcohol content but can be made weaker or stronger dependant on the brand. I can only hope the children in the image below were not absolutely trollied by lunchtime!

Wine, on the other hand, is usually at least 10% alcohol though more often around 12-14% mark. So if you wanted a 'safe' drink in King's Landing, beer should probably the drink of choice over wine... right?

Wrong. I think that is precisely the point that wine is consumed. Wine is intended both represent and undermine the pomp and power of those who consume it.

According to the 'Wine Mix' - the first character to drink wine is a Lannister. Audiences are constantly reminded about the wealth Lannister's have. With this in mind, wine is therefore not only infused with whatever fruit or additional flavours, but status. A lot of the wine consumed is accompanied with a meal, denoting civility and wealth in order to afford the seemingly bottomless bottle to top up the glass. However, a lot of wine is just casually drunk regardless of food and it is in these moments that we see the darker suggestions of wine.

In the clip below, wine is clearly used as a weapon. The final clause of Margaery's sweet and polite offering of food or drink to Cersei Lannister is laced with a shady undertone, as the final clause in her "I wish we had some wine for you, it's a bit early in the day for us" is laced with a shady undertone. The newly appointed queen's use of language is incredibly telling, establishing a clear divide through the use of pronouns as "you" (Cersei) is made distinctly different or other to "us" (Margaery and the other women at the table). This is emphasised even more by the reaction of silence and a glazed glare. This is one of many moments where wine no longer has the splendour or glamour associated with a Lannister. Instead wine is part of the core implication that Cersei is an alcoholic.

Another clip, another Lannister. This time an interesting quote that frames the perils of wine:
"It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do if it was easy".

It begs the question what makes it difficult, or at the very least not "easy"? The unsustainable health issues of being drunk all the time maybe? Perhaps the high chances of being impaled by a someone in the violent continent? Could it be the cost of affording the endless fountain of wine. Sure, the Lannister's have the wealth for a great deal of wine - but all the elegance associated with wine is immediately lost when those who consume it succumb to the effects of alcohol: slurred speech, loss of inhibitions, generally being a sloppy mess.

I think it would do the livers of Westeros good to have a brief prohibition, or maybe we should just show Cersei the 'wine mom' meme for jokes - what are your thoughts?

 or 

References:
Prohibition image: https://media1.britannica.com/eb-media/63/116463-004-F04F918E.jpg accessed 13/1/17
Tyrion drinking clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22e2V526DNU accessed 13/1/17
Cersei and Margaery clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLqhlpWbnr8&t=15s accessed 13/1/17
Wine mix: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPf-sXqMb90 accessed 13/1/17
Pinot Grigio gif: http://68.media.tumblr.com/406a2d5569a1b82bb74c16da4464a1d3/tumblr_n2365hljkv1ql5yr7o1_500.gif accessed 13/1/17

Enforcing preferences and exploding egg whites

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single human being in possession of hunger must be in want of food. How they go about fulfilling this hunger, or with what food is ultimately down to availability of foodstuffs, finances to pay for said foodstuffs and resources to prepare or eat said foodstuffs. 

It seems incredibly obvious to say - but food and tastes are subjective. That said, there are some foods that many cannot object to. A huge silky chocolate bar or the fluffy, almost creamy seduction that the inside of a crisp roast potato offers. A cold slice of pizza the morning after a 20hr binge to finish that essay for the deadline. 

Some foods, obviously do not have such an appeal. Burnt chocolate, meat that has developed a colony of fungal growth, a raw dough. 

The purpose of a recipe is that you follow a set methodology using particular ingredients to finish with a particular result. There are many variations on any single recipe, but there are always base standards. A cheese omelette will always contain eggs and cheese rather than icing sugar and ghost peppers, for example. 

I have discovered a Youtube series called ‘you’re doing it all wrong’ where various cooks show the ‘right way’ of cooking something along with the perilous ‘wrong way’ of how things should be prepared or made. Though the series itself is primarily designed to enlighten, assist and educate the masses on making a range of items it often comes across as obnoxious and patronising. How can it be that something designed to assist do the opposite?

There are many, many reasons. Starting off with the title of the series itself, 'you're doing it all wrong' which comes across as patronising and condescending. The addition of the adjective "all" really demoralises a viewer and seems to be designed to obliterate any hope that a viewer understands food or how to prepare it. I suppose the main purpose is to promote their own videos of how things should be done… according to these guest cooks at least. It already sets things off to a bad start, doesn't it?

Maybe it is the fact I seem to love playing devil's advocate on this blog of late, but I can't help but feel these videos are primarily based on a singular opinion than any factual or food knowledge backing behind the majority of choices (and yes, they are choices) in the videos.  

What if I like some of the vegetables in a stir-fry slightly charred and others barely kissed by the heat? What if I enjoy my pasta separate to its sauce until I mix it in myself? 

These preferences don't seem to be taken into account at any stage, enforcing these preferences makes the world of food that much more reductive.

For example, the video on how to make oatmeal (or porridge for us UK folk): 

As the host proposes the argument "you want your quick bowl of oatmeal . . . instant oatmeal is not your solution". Without bringing out the OED the sheer irony of that statement  made me chuckle. 

First of all, oatmeal is such a strange name... though I suppose so is porridge...? 

I DIGRESS. 

Secondly, and most importantly, I have the distinct feeling that quick and instant could be used interchangeably and technically instant is the perfect solution if you want something to occur 'quick' or quickly. The incongruity of the statement is genuinely laughable. 

I mean it would be lovely if we could always make our porridge from scratch rather than relying on ready ground oats or pre-prepared packs of porridge, there is no denial on that. That said, I'm not sure how realistic it is to expect - nay demand - that we buy oats and potentially grind them ourselves of a morning.  

Okay then... let's try another video on how we should make mashed potatoes. 

Here, there are some genuine tips on the different types of potatoes and their ideal use - which is generally backed by botany and culinary experts alike. There are also some perils most people could face too - such as not cutting the potatoes at the right size, meaning they do not cook evenly. 

Things seem to go awry in this video where we are informed we should "kill it with cream", with "it" being the potato. The host in this video then proceeds to pour what can only be described as a lake of heated cream/milk into the mashed potato. It looks like a "sticky pasty lump of glue" - which is exactly what the host described the 'wrong' type of mash potato... 

Maybe it is just me - but this looks like normal mash to me? Unsure why this is 'wrong'?

If this video was in isolation, anyone would think this is a parody or satire… sadly no. 

To my clearly ignorant eye, this seems more like a herby potato soup sweating in butter... but what do I know?

Ironically - if we was to follow these recipes word for word, we wouldn’t have any variation in our food for better or worse. This is all well and good when I go out to restaurants and expect a certain standard of cooking and would demand that the menu is replicated on the plate I am served - but this cannot be the case in the domestic sphere. Simply put, part of the joy of home cooking is it’s idiosyncrasies. 

Overall I have found that the baking videos are more informative and based on scientific fact and culinary hints or tips to be less patronising as the cooking videos. Then I discovered the brownie video. 

I have many issues of critique watching the above video, so thought it would be apt to pose them in the same style as the web series:

1. What if somebody prefers their brownie more of a cake consistency than they do fudgy in the middle? 
2. Surely putting a brownie mix into a paper cake case, then using a recipe that makes it more of a cake-like consistency/texture makes it that much more of a cake and less of a brownie?
3. Still on the paper cases, part of the joy that comes with brownies is the ability to share and distribute slices of joy that a traybake always offers. Don't ruin it in individual cases!
4. Do brownies really need toppings to be a brownie? Not sure... 
5. Surely if the brownie mixture and oven were that awesome there wouldn't be need to fiddle about with them in the oven - especially when they've barely been in a few minutes.
6. If this really was the best way to make a brownie, a recipe, even if left in the video description would be nice rather than taunting us with your alleged 'baddass brownie'... 

Also - can we can take a brief moment to discuss how the only 'baddass' thing about these brownies is how they literally have every topping on them including the kitchen sink.. as the sunken middles really are a woeful sight. This is due to the host of this video taking the brownies out and switches them around in the oven to ensure an 'even bake'... which consequently lets the heat out of the oven and lets the middles of the brownies sink. That rings alarm bells for me, as she doesn't seem to understand that with cakes and bakes it is edible suicide to open the oven before they are done. No covering the sins with a masterful blob of salted caramel or ganache can hide from that. 

The ones on the left and right look like an abandoned mine...

With all of that said with me slating this video series, let's go to the opposite end of the spectrum... where some preferences should never exist.

Meet Kay of 'Kay's Good Cooking'... there is a joke in there somewhere. Kay is refreshing in the fact she doesn't claim to be the best cook in the world - and has a go at almost anything. This is wonderful, the results of her cooking however... not so much. I am spoilt for choice as to what video I should refer to, but this evening I have resigned myself to her "exploding meringues" video - a delight for all.

A meringue is a type of dessert made from egg whites that typically is used in 3 different methods - French, Swiss or Italian. Regardless of the method, each involves whisking the egg whites while adding the sugar until it massively grows in size and forms peaks that suggests how much air has been whipped into it. You want to keep as much air into it as possible so when serving on a tray to place in the oven you need to be as delicate as you can.

With that in mind let's look at Kay's attempt...

Meringues from the depths of Mordor

You may be asking 'how did that happen', well she decided to blitz the egg whites in a blender:

By using said blender, all air is pulverised out of the eggy mixture meaning it has no structure. One of Kay's endearing qualities is she doesn't look up or consequently follow a set recipe, leading to this creation.

Looking at the two web sources - one of improvisation and disaster and the other with pretentious overtones it is evident home cooking should be in between these two states. When making or preparing food we should have some idea of the end result to match our preferences. Equally we must include some spontaneity. Use technology absolutely - but possibly not to grind our oats during the morning grind or pulverise our eggs into oblivion for a tantalising dessert. Preferences are just that - but there should be some baseline and boundaries of how things are done in the kitchen. 

Do you agree we should have a medium or do you like your potato soup mashed?

References:
Ain't nobody got time for that - accessed 11/09/16 - http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/starpolar/images/6/6b/Notime.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150225125846 
Brownie video (inc. screenshots) accessed 11/09/16 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPTSLYgYfGQ 
Exploding meringues (inc. screenshots) accessed 11/09/16 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57m46lrzNPM 
Mashed potato video (inc. screenshots) accessed 11/09/16 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84i8Qdnyd0k
Oatmeal video accessed 11/09/16 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pT8IaxL6jtg&index=13&list=ELIGCGLqsYUc8